Strategies for Managing Anger

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful, the All Knowing, the Most Wise

Identify your triggers:

Many events can trigger anger or emotional changes, such as feeling treated unfairly or being physically or verbally attacked. Researchers suggest that aggression can be learned or inherited. Additionally, anger can be influenced by the whispers of Satan. Allah has granted us the ability to control aggressive impulses. A hadith identifies the root cause of anger as follows: “Anger comes from Satan (an intelligent life form that cannot be seen with the naked eye). Satan was created from fire…” [Sunan Abi Dawud]. The Quran also warns about Satan’s influence: “Surely, Satan is an enemy to you, so take (treat) him as an enemy. He only invites his followers that they may become the dwellers of the blazing fire.” (35:6). Researchers have found that an imbalance in gut bacteria produces neurotransmitters (waswas) that may trigger aggression and other behavioral issues.

Understand the negative effects of anger:

Uncontrolled anger can lead to problems in relationships, weaken the immune system, and contribute to societal conflicts. Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that a man asked the Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) for advice, and he replied, “Do not become angry.” This advice was repeated several times, emphasizing the harmful effects of anger (Reported by al-Bukhari). The man reflected on the Prophet’s words and concluded that anger encompasses various forms of evil (Musnad Ahmad). Anger is also linked to oxidative stress, which may contribute to cell death and potentially shorten one’s life.

Develop the right mindset to control anger:

Life is a test, and sometimes Allah places us in stressful situations to assess our ability to perceive, understand, and manage emotions. As the souls of Adam’s children, we have the responsibility to lead our bodies and minds on the right path and manage our emotional balance properly. Allowing negative emotions to control us makes us slaves to our own desires. As emotionally intelligent beings, we should train ourselves to control negative emotions and gain mastery over ourselves to express emotions without losing control.

To develop the right mindset, one needs a strong vision to resist Satan’s influence. A vision inspires continuous effort and struggles, helping to build the strength needed to overcome anger. The greatest struggle is the one against the lower self — the effort to modify undesirable behavior, maintain calmness, do what is right, avoid evil, and become a better person.

You can cultivate a positive and right mindset by practicing gratitude and patience, following a healthy, righteous, and disciplined lifestyle, proper sleep and the right diet, intermittent fasting, maintaining cleanliness, remembering Allah, speaking the truth, surrounding yourself with positive people, and praying Salah on time. Salah is a physical exercise that involves meditation and mindfulness, helping to prevent us from committing great sins. “Recite what has been revealed to you in the Book (the Quran), and perform As-Salat. Verily, As-Salat (the prayer) prevents Al-Fahsha (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed).” (Quran 29:45).

The wrestling mindset encompasses confidence, motivation, concentration, relaxation under pressure, goal setting, and resilience from injuries. The Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “The strongest are not the best wrestlers. Verily, the strongest are those who control themselves when angry.” (Reported by Bukhari). Mastering your mind is more challenging than winning a wrestling match. Success in developing a positive mindset is a long-term process, requiring strong faith, commitment, confidence, change, relaxation under pressure, motivation, consistency, and accountability. “But this cannot be attained except by those who are patient and who are truly fortunate.” (41:35).

Rewards serve as motivation. There are benefits to developing a mindset that manages anger, including improved relationships, mental and physical health, and increased mental strength. “The strongest man is the one who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his anger.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad). It was narrated that Anas bin Malik said: “The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ‘Whoever gives up telling lies in support of a false claim, a palace will be built for him in the outskirts of Paradise. Whoever gives up an argument when he is in the right, a palace will be built from him in the middle (of Paradise). And whoever has good behavior, a palace will be built for him in the highest reaches (of Paradise).’” [Sunan Ibn Majah].

How can you overcome your triggers?

Emotions shape our character and influence our behavior. Long-term unresolved anger leads to aggressive behavior, which can manifest in two forms: 1) verbal aggressive behavior (e.g., screaming, cursing, insulting) and 2) physical aggressive behavior (e.g., hitting). The goal of the following anger management strategies is to help you deal with your negative emotions effectively, transition from undesirable behaviors or unhealthy expressions of anger to healthy communication, and reduce the physiological arousal caused by anger.

How do you deal with anger when someone is verbally attacking you?

1. Express yourself nonverbally: Don’t react quickly, respond wisely. The healthy way to handle a difficult situation is to express your anger nonverbally (e.g., through gestures and facial expressions). When a matter angered the Prophet (PBUH), his emotions showed on his face.
2. Remain calm and seek Allah’s help: If someone verbally attacks you, be patient and seek refuge in Allah from Satan. “If a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allah,’ [and] his anger will go away.” [Sahih al-Jami al-Saghir] Sulayman ibn Sard recounted an incident where two men were slandering each other. One was visibly angry, with veins standing out on his neck. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said, “I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said ‘I seek refuge with Allah from Satan,’ what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.” [Reported by al-Bukhari]
3. Keep silent: When a conversation gets heated, take a break, focus on dua (supplication), and remain silent for a moment. “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, al-Musnad) This strategy will also give you some time to think and express yourself calmly.
4. Listen non-judgmentally: “Let not one of you make a judgment between two people when he is in a state of anger.”
5. Think before you speak: During heated discussions, people tend to jump to conclusions. If you need to resolve a conflict, speak the truth. “Good and evil cannot be equal. Respond to evil with what is best, then the one you are in a feud with will be like a close friend.” (41:34) The Prophet (PBUH) used to pray, “O Allah, I ask for the ability to speak a word of truth when I am pleased and when I am angry.”
6. Communicate effectively in difficult situations: If you are concerned about continuing a difficult conversation that may escalate your anger, respond by asking thought-provoking questions to avoid conflict. The Prophet (PBUH) became angry when Usamah bin Zaid spoke to him about the Makhzumi woman who had been convicted of theft, and he said, “Do you seek to intervene concerning one of the punishments prescribed by Allah?”
7. Don’t argue with a fool: Trying to win an argument only exacerbates the situation. “Verily, the servant does not entirely have faith until he abandons lying even while joking, and he abandons arguing even if he is truthful.” (Musnad Aḥmad) Imam al-Shafi said: “If a fool speaks to you, do not answer him, for the best answer is silence. If you speak to him, you have delighted him. If you leave him, he nearly dies in anguish.”
8. Step away from the triggering situation: “The servants of the Merciful are those who walk the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say, ‘Peace’” [Quran 25:63]. If a person doesn’t stop their verbal attacks, it’s best to distance yourself from them. “Be gracious, enjoin what is right, and turn away from those who act ignorantly.” (7:199)
9. Forgive quickly: The Quran mentions: “(Believers are) those who avoid the greater crimes and immoralities and when they are angry even then forgive.” [42:37] Uncontrolled negative emotions (e.g., excessive anger and stress) may cause inflammation and other health issues (e.g., high blood pressure, hypertension). Research has shown that forgiveness can improve your physical and mental health.

How do you deal with your anger when someone is physically attacking you?

1. Seek Allah’s help: “And if you are tempted by Satan, then seek refuge with Allah. Indeed, He alone is the All-Hearing, All-Knowing.” (41:36) When you find yourself struggling with negative emotions, pause and say, “I seek refuge with the Lord of mankind; the King of mankind, the True God of mankind, from the mischief of the whisperer (Satan) who withdraws (from his whispering in one’s heart after one remembers Allah).“(Satan is the one) who whispers evil in the chest of mankind whether he be from the jinn or humans.” [114:1–6].
2. Managing conflict with humor: Sometimes, laughter can be a powerful strategy to diffuse a difficult situation. As reported by Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, who said: “I was walking with the Messenger of Allah (PBUH), and he was wearing a Najrani cloak with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allah that he had. The Prophet (PBUH) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something.” (Agreed upon. Fath al-Bari, 10/375) Rather than dwelling on the moment that triggers your anger, try to focus on how to resolve problems.
3. Take a break, distract yourself, and relax your muscles: If using humor isn’t an option for you in difficult situations, then get active. “When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise, he should lie down.” (Sunan Abi Dawud) Physical activity and stretching are effective physical coping strategies to ease anger.
4. Stay connected to water: Drink water and try running cold water on your hands and face. “Anger comes from Satan, Satan was created from fire, and the fire is extinguished only with water; so, when any of you is angry, he should perform ablution (wudu).” [Sunan Abi Dawud] Bad microorganisms (Satan or invaders) may trigger your negative emotions and cause inflammation, which is akin to a fire in your body. Like the red and hot fire, the signs of inflammation are redness, heat, and swelling.
5. Be patient: While revenge is permissible in the case of murder, patience is better in challenging situations. “If you take revenge, then do so only in proportion to the wrong done to you. But if you bear it patiently, that is indeed best for those who are patient.” (16:26) “A moment of Patience in a moment of Anger saves a thousand moments of Regret.” (Ali Ibn Abu Talib)
6. Remove yourself from the situation: Walking away from a triggering situation can be an effective way to take control of your anger.
7. Don’t hold a grudge, forgive others: “… [Righteous people are those who] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily, Allah loves such good-doers.” [3:134]

“O Allah, help us manage our emotions for success in this world and the hereafter.”