Grief in Psychology and Islamic Perspective: Understanding and Coping with Loss

Grief is a natural and emotional reaction. Grief is the intense emotional pain experienced after a significant loss, typically the death of a loved one, that involves discomfort, feelings of separation, depression, and loneliness. Animals show their reaction to the loss of their loved ones. During a time of loss, emotions can be intensely painful, affecting all aspects of life and well-being. It is not easy to cope with the loss of a loved one. The loss of both his wife Khadijah (Ra) and his uncle Abu Ṭalib in one year, called “The Year of Sorrow.” When Prophet Yaqub (PBUH) lost his son Yusuf (PBUH), he said, “Oh, my sorrow over Yusuf,” and his eyes became white from grief because of the sorrow that he suppressed” (Quran 12:84). However, the Quran suggests how to cope with grief, such as:

1. Accept that life is a test: “Do people think once they say, “We believe,” that they will be left without being put to the test? Indeed We have tested those who were before them. So Allah will surely know the ones who are truthful, and He will surely know the liars.” [Quran 29:2–3]
2. Be patient: Patient people enjoy better mental health. People who lose patience in difficult times in their life are at risk of suicide and other mental health problems. The Quran mentions: “And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, ‘Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.’ Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are [rightly] guided” (2:155–57). “And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah]” (2:45). Shedding tears silently for the deceased loved one is not prohibited but lamenting and wailing are forbidden. In al-Ṣaḥiḥayn [al-Bukhari and Muslim] from the ḥadith of Anas [may Allah be pleased with him] that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ‘[True] patience is at the first strike [of calamity]. Narrated by Maḥmud ibn Labid [may Allah be pleased with him] that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ‘Indeed, if Allah the Exalted in Might loves a people, He tests them. Whomsoever is patient, he [will have the reward] of the patience he has shown. Whomsoever shows despair, he will have nought but the despair he has shown.’ Another Hadith mentions: “Indeed greater reward comes with greater trial. And indeed, when Allah loves a people He subjects them to trials, so whoever is content, then for him is pleasure, and whoever is discontent, then for him is wrath.” [Jami at-Tirmidhi] Narrated by Abu Hurayrah: Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “The example of a believer is that of a fresh tender plant; from whatever direction the wind comes, it bends it, but when the wind becomes quiet, it becomes straight again. Similarly, a believer is afflicted with calamities (but he remains patient till Allah removes his difficulties). And an impious wicked person is like a pine tree which keeps hard and straight till Allah cuts (breaks) it down when He wishes.” (Sahih al-Bukhari).
3. Take care of your health: Grief can increase the risk of heart diseases. Talbinah, a barley syrup cooked with milk and sweetened by honey, is recommended by the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) for its soothing effects on hearts and its ability to relieve sadness during difficult times.
4. Offering sincere supplication for our loved ones: The Prophet (PBUH) said:“When the human being dies, his deeds end except for three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him.” [Sahih Muslim] This hadith is very important for a Muslim who wishes to benefit his or her loved ones when they have passed. The dua of a righteous child elevates the status of their deceased parent.
5. Do good deeds behalf of the decreased: You can commit many good acts on their behalf someone you love who has passed away for Allah’s sake such as perform umrah, hajj, paying off their debts, donating, planting trees, building a water well, etc.
6. Visit the grave: Visit the graves, for they will remind you of the death. This world is temporary journey for us and We all will die. Our life is too short to waste time, so we need to focus on the future goal of attaining Heaven, where righteous people can reunite with their loved ones. “And those who believe and whose offspring follow them in Faith, to them shall We join their offspring, and We shall not decrease the reward of their deeds in anything” [Quran 52:21].